A Companionable Diary
by honestgreenpirate
Summary: Tenth Doctor. This is the diary of one of his companions, postRose. It is the tale of their adventures together, the fun and the stress. An insight into what it's really like travelling with the Doctor: it's not all candyfloss.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I don't own Doctor Who or the lovely Mr Tennant – if I did he would be staying. Still love him though!**

02/11

Well, today was a quiet day. Comparatively anyway. We didn't visit anywhere, just drifted, it that's the correct term for hurtling aimlessly through the time vortex.

Apparently things needed fixing, according to the Doctor, and I was trusted with a spanner! Well, not an Earth style spanner but close enough!! It was taken off me rather forcefully after about five minutes though – seemingly I'd loosened the wrong screw and caused a leak. Couldn't see it myself, but how can I help being of very little brain?!?

Actually a couple of hours later I was wondering down a corridor, daydreaming, and I suddenly noticed I was walking in a sort of lake. I had discovered the leak!

Anyway, the spanner was removed from my possession very quickly and I was sent off on the slightly safer job of making tea. The Doctor took over after I'd broken a cup, two plates and a glass – completely by accident of course. The tea was good though, and it's not like we don't have a ton of crockery.

**A/N: I know that is a horrifically short chapter and apologies to all!! I promise that the next is longer and better and all that! Please R&R it would be much appreciated! xxxxxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I STILL don't own Doctor Who on anything associated with it – depression slightly setting in.**

03/11

Note to self – must buy a diary and write everything in one place.

I've already lost yesterday's entry – I hope the Doctor doesn't find it. Not that it said anything important but it's the principle of the thing! I better have a more thorough search methinks.

Well, I'm mostly writing this because I'm not sleepy, rather than because something has happened. It's 10ish about when I normally go to sleep.

N.B. – this is the first time he has refrained from making a comment about beauty sleep and some needing it more than others. Basically someme and otherhim. Actually it's not so much that I need beauty sleep, more that I need good mood sleep. I can be incredibly grumpy.

Anyway, I'm not feeling sleepy for a strange reason – not entirely sure what. It has been another quiet day – still drifting. I wasn't allowed near any of the tools today – seems that the Doctor has learnt his lesson.

I made us both breakfast when I woke up at about eleven. I had a cup of black coffee and a bagel with peanut butter and he had two cups of tea and ten slices of toast and marmalade, ten! I still can't believe he eats that much so early in the morning! He had already been tinkering away for a while; I swear I heard him in my dreams.

I also made lunch (tuna and lettuce sandwiches for me and cheese and pickle for him) and supper (pasta bake! Mmmm) and I didn't break anything! This prompted the Doctor to make a toast about the suspension of my accident prone-ness and I was very willing to accept it. Actually, I think I might have broken the toaster on the tenth slice this morning but he doesn't know about it so it doesn't count!

Ah – he's just found out about the toaster. How was I supposed to know he would want more toast and marmalade at this time of night! He's had a bit of a rant, taken back his toast (I'm not sure he's allowed to do that) and gone away. I feel a bit munchable for a bagel – best go and investigate.

Later

Something that can travel through time and space should have a grill – it really should. I mean you never know when the toaster might be accidentally broken and you want to toast a bagel before you can fix it.

Not that I've been allowed to fix it. I had a quick go but when I yelled a little bit (always remember to turn off at the plug, kids) the Doctor came running and told me to stop, sit down and not touch anything. I have a feeling I made it worse when I tried to fix it – not going to mention it though. He's still trying to fix it – determined to get the damn toast. I'm trying rather hard not to feel sorry for him and go and keep him company – he doesn't need sleep like I do!

**A/N: There, I told you this chapter would be longer! Please R&R, tell me what you think, I need to know that I'm not just indulging myself! xxxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: OK, third entry. Just to clear it up this companion ISN'T Rose, don't think I've made that very clear. **

**Special thanks to Seiya's Star for a very good review!**

**Anyway I still don't own Doctor Who, shame.**

04/11

We had a fight. Quite a bad, I mean I was scared, he was scaring me; he's never directed that impossible cold anger at me in the months we've traveled together. After I went to keep him company last night as well. I should probably set the scene.

It was another day of drifting around. I think that he will be tinkering away forever if I don't curb him soon. Also I begin to think I might be a bit distracting – what with the floods, food, films and breakages.

Anyway, I was wandering around, looking for new rooms, when I stumbled across the wardrobe. I _swear_ it's moved. I ran off to get the Doctor, giddy with excitement, and we had a bit of a dressing up session – I _love_ dressing up! And anyone who hasn't seen the Doctor in a Roman Centurion's outfit is really missing out – he makes metal shin pads look good. He put on a Regency outfit at one point – very, _very_ dashing! Rivalling Colin Firth I have to admit – he _even_ has the sideburns! So, when he put that on I tried to find something to match – closest I could find was a Victorian dress, not quite right but oh well. So I put it on and pinned up my hair and everything and I went to show him and he just looked at me like I was a ghost.

Completely still, standing there, looking like a perfect Regency gentleman except his mouth was hanging open.

Then he started to look all angry and shouted at me to take it off.

I have to say I was so confused and more than a little pissed off myself – it's taken me ages to put on that bloody corset. So I shouted back, all stubborn, saying there's no chance I'm going to take it off.

He grabbed me with both hands on the tops of my arms. So hard – it really hurt and bruising is sure to result. And he spoke through gritted teeth, quietly, but he seemed even angrier. He said that it was Rose's and I couldn't wear it.

I was so shocked by his reaction. It reminded me of Daphne DuMaurier's "Rebecca", the former Mrs DeWinter and all that. I know that Rose used to travel with the Doctor and that they were incredibly close, though nothing actually happened. When I first met him he was a bit of a mess and he obviously still misses her but I thought he had got a bit better. He had seemed a bit happier and smiling more genuinely and more often.

But when he said it was Rose's dress the look in his eyes was so awful. His grief was so stark and apparent, like he'd just lost her all over again. It was awful, I felt awful. And guilty. My heart felt like it had been yanked out of my chest, ripped into pieces and stomped on so I could only imagine how he felt – having two as well.

I cried. I couldn't help it. Tears just streamed silently down my face.

He didn't speak, didn't move for so long. Just stood there, gripping the tops of my arms.

I couldn't move either. I just stood there crying like an idiot.

Suddenly he dropped his arms to his sides and left. He clearly needed to be alone.

It's hours later now. When I finally snapped out of it I got changed quickly and went to my room to take a long hot shower. I finally stopped crying.

Haven't seen him since. I should go and find him to apologise, to say that I understand or _something_.

Honestly, though, I'm too scared. I'm scared that he's going to see me, see I'm not Rose and ask me to leave. I'm not saying he would want to hurt me. And I'm not saying that he only asked me to travel with him because I remind him of her – but what he's told me we are _nothing_ alike, she's quite a lot to live up to. I'm just scared that now he's been forced to think about her he's not going to be able to face travelling with someone else and it'll be all my fault that he will be all alone again.

Since having my shower I've been alternately writing this and lying on my bed, staring at nothing, making up horrible scenarios in my head. I wish I could just stop thinking, stop my overactive imagination. I wish I had the guts to go and talk to him.

An entire race threatening the universe fine, one poor, lonely, alien man who's hurting and incredibly sad – much, much harder.

**A/N: that was quite an angsty chapter, sorry, it sort of just happened. I have to add that I do not possess Colin Firth or "Rebecca" which I haven't even had the guts to read!**

**Please R&R and I'll try to update ASAP! xxxxxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks for the lovely reviews; I found it a bit heartbreaking to write as well! **

**I still don't own it.**

05/11

I am being completely and utterly pathetic. And ridiculous. I've had all night to think about it, and trust me I have, and I still haven't worked up the courage to go and see him.

I mean he hasn't come to see me, but I never expected him to, I don't think it would be fair. I've even lost the half excuse I had of him needing time alone, he's had all night. I'm pretty sure he hasn't slept. When I was lying awake at various points during the nights I'm pretty sure I heard him banging away at the poor TARDIS.

Oh, I'm an idiot. I'm going to go and talk to him _now_. Must just decide whether to offer a bribe in the form of tea, toast and marmalade or not.

Later

I decided against the bribe – I wanted his full attention on what I was saying. I found him in the control room, the first place I checked.

I said "hi" so quietly I wouldn't have been surprised if he hadn't heard me – I haven't spoken that quietly since I had a cough and lost my voice.

He heard me though, and looked up. The first thing I noticed was that he hadn't slept – his hair was wild and there were dark circles underneath his eyes. I was soon drawn by the expression in them – it was a heart wrenching mix between hurt, sadness and despair.

The speech I had prepared vanished and my bottom lip trembled. I took a deep breath, tried not to cry and started talking, fast.

"Doctor, I'm _so_ sorry. I had _no_ right – "

That's as far as I got. He took a few swift steps until he was standing directly in front of me. He looked into my eyes and smiled slightly.

"No, I'm sorry. I was being unfair."

I bit my lip, still trying not to cry. I'm not usually a crying type of person but I don't seem able to stop at the moment. I wasn't tearing up because I felt so intensely sorry for him now – it was because we were making up and there was a chance that everything was going to be ok. How utterly illogical.

He held out both his arms and I barely had to move before I was enveloped in a wonderfully comforting hug. We stood there for so long, just taking comfort from the close presence of the other.

He finally broke the hug, but only by pulling away slightly. I was obviously still looking a bit woebegone because he took my head in his hands and made me look up at him. I saw his heart melting smile and couldn't help smiling back. It seemed to make him happy because he moved his hands to push the hair away from my face and said "good girl". I smiled a bit more naturally at that.

I decided to go and make some toast then and watch a film, something nice and easy that wouldn't add to my complete emotional exhaustion. He came with me. As we made the toast, tea and coffee we circled each other as we moved around the kitchen; not needing to talk and never getting in the other's way as if we'd been doing it for ages. Sitting in front of the television, munching away as the opening credits rolled, I felt so peaceful and happy. We seemed closer, more in tune than before we had before the fight. That thin film of ice he seemed to hide behind has disappeared, melted completely away and I have the strangest feeling that I will see more of the real Doctor from now on.

I must have fallen asleep, last night's restlessness catching up with me. When I woke up the Doctor was asleep too. I was curled up with my head lying on his chest just below his collar bone. He had one arm around my waist and, on top of the blanket he had cast over the both of us, he had one hand resting protectively on my upper arm. His head was resting on the back of the sofa tilted to one side.

I'd only seen him sleeping a couple of times and he'd always had a little frown between his brows. Now he looked completely peaceful with only a slight smile on his lips. I didn't want to wake him so I didn't move – I was also very warm and comfy and still more than a little sleepy. Resting my head back on my chest he tightened his arms around me as I moved a little closer. Best sleep I've had in ages.

**A/N: there you go, they're friends again. Please R&R, the more reviews I get the quicker I update! xxxxxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: much thanks for all reviews, there greatly appreciated.**

**Still don't own Doctor Who, sorry.**

10/11

It's gotta be the longest stretch we've been without having to run for our lives. Not that I'm complaining – it's been quite nice. I've managed to do things I haven't had the time or energy to do before, like paint my toenails and begin reading "The Portrait of a Lady" by Henry James – the first was much easier than the second.

I've even had my hair cut – nothing drastic, it's still long and brown, but it actually has a bit of a style to it now which is nice. I was a _bit_ worried when we landed on a random planet and the Doctor said it was famous for it's hairdressers and I should go and try one out. I was scared they would completely ruin my hair, cut it in the latest alien fashion or whatever. But one mustn't let one's vanity rule one's life so I had a haircut. It was fine though, just like having your hair cut on earth except my hairdresser had blue skin that was covered in what looked like swirling henna tattoos and three arms – must make it easier to deal with all the hair. The Doctor had his hair cut at the same time because I hate being at the hairdressers by myself, I get really bored. His took much longer than mine, he's so fussy. It looks practically the same anyway. He was toying with getting it dyed ginger but I talked him out of it, it wouldn't have looked right somehow.

One of the results of all the tinkering he's been doing is that the TARDIS feels like my house used to in November (readbloody cold). He explained that he thought I would feel more at home if I could feel the seasons change around me.

You have to admit that that is seriously sweet – so sweet, in fact, that I didn't feel I could bring myself to say that I had never liked the cold or winter and was quite happy _not _feeling the seasons change around me. It's alright for him, bloody alien man, he doesn't feel the cold like humans do – he very kindly explained this, damn him – and I feel the cold more than most humans.

Anyway this is what happens when he is left to tinker away for too long and I think I've learnt my lesson – I will never forgive him if it starts to snow.

In punishment, he has to take me home to pick up some more winter clothes. Actually he loves my mum who fusses over him more than me, so I'm not sure that it's a punishment, damn.

**A/N: sorry for the shortness of the chapter, it's a sort of inbetweeny bit. And I'm quite aware that isn't a word. Anyway please R&R and I'll try and update with a longer chapter soon. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: A couple of people have pointed out in reviews that my tenses go a bit funny sometimes – I'm SO sorry! I don't find it easy to remember how I'm writing it. If anyone cares to be a bit more specific I'll try and change it and I'll make an extra special effort from now on!**

**Still don't own the darling Doctor.**

11/11

Mwah ha ha ha!!! He was dragged into playing football with both my brothers! And my older sister's boyfriend! Ha! He is absolutely useless at football by the way, even worse than me which is saying something as I can only get the ball through the use of dirty tackles. Ben (Lily's boyfriend) is pretty good so they had fairly evenly matched teams, Dom (my older brother) and the Doctor against Ben and James (my little brother).

Mum was so happy when we turned up – I didn't bother to ring her before because I knew we were always welcome. We got there at about lunchtime (pretty smooth landing, I think the Doctor was showing off), knocked on the door, my mum answered and was so happy she was almost crying, bless. There were big hugs all round and the Doctor was introduced to Dom, my older sister (Lily), my grandparents and my brother's girlfriend and my sister's boyfriend. I hadn't met them before but they both seem very nice. We had managed to stumble on a bit of a reunion, serves him right.

The women of the family slaved in the kitchen as usual. Actually, that's not true, we quite enjoy it and it's the only way to get the best food. My mum's a brilliant cook. Me, Lily and Stace (Dom's girlfriend) prepared the vegetables – I was doing better before I sliced open my finger with a knife – Mum created several wonderful things at once and Gran did the pudding. Gathered around in the warm kitchen we all gossiped and chatted away as fast as we could. Dad and Grandpa sorted out drinks, glasses and the laying of the table – talking about manly things.

It took longer than I thought it would but talk finally turned to mine and the Doctor's "relationship". I repeated what I always do about us being very good friends and looking out for each other and they did the unsubtle prompting as to whether there was anything more.

At least he wasn't in the room this time. Last time we visited it was frankly embarrassing – Dad had to take him out to the pub afterwards and I can only hope there wasn't a lecture involved.

When the supper was ready the lads came in from outside looking like a bunch of overgrown schoolboys – especially the Doctor, who was by far the oldest there. No one has ever looked so cute with a pink nose. His hands were bloody freezing as well – I know because he put them on my back and I screamed – curse him.

I was standing next to James before we sat down and I felt small – since when had he grown so much? I didn't appreciate it.

Supper was wonderful – the Doctor was treated as one of the family being commanded to pass this, that and the other. Sort of unfortunately he noticed I'd cut my finger and forced me to let him look at it. It hadn't stopped bleeding so he whipped out his sonic screwdriver and had a bit of a go with that, it didn't work (naturally) and it was all I could do to stop him from dragging me off to the TARDIS to have a proper look.

Of course, throughout all this my grandmother, my mother, my sister and my brother's girlfriend were exchanging significant glances. Ugh! Luckily all the blokes (Doctor included) were completely oblivious. Men – you've got to love them.

After waving my grandparent's off we (the "young people" plus the Doctor) settled in front of the tv to watch something mindless. I was victorious in getting the cow (it's a blanket but it has splotches like a cow on it) so me and the Doctor settled into out normal tv watching pose underneath it on one of the chairs, Lily, Ben and James were on the sofa and Stace was on the other chair with Dom sitting on the floor next to it – such a gent my brother. When Mum and Dad came in there was much rearranging, James and Ben were turfed onto the floor – the Doctor got out of this by pleading old age, luckily no one enquired further. I hadn't felt like going into the whole 900-years-old conversation at the time. It was bad enough that they had found out about him having two hearts – James kept staring at his chest every now and again as if he'd be able to see them. Talking of two hearts it feels strange when I lean against him like I was to watch tv – not bad strange just strange, definitely makes me feel sleepy.

I have to admit to being a little surprised at how well the day at home went. We left at about eleven. Everyone else was heading up to bed so the Doctor woke me up. Mum was a bit upset when I told her we should get going; I think she'd hoped we would stay a bit longer because it had gone so well.

Actually, I think we could have. I have a feeling that if I'd asked the Doctor if we could stay he would have said yes. He had been so sweet about the whole thing though I didn't want to push it. Next time we go back I want him to meet some of my friends so I need to butter him up a bit first. Also, I could tell he was getting a bit restless. Probably because he was finding it hard to stay in one place and even when he was his leg didn't stop jiggling up and down.

I'm a bit useless really, everyone else (well, my mum) was going through a long tearful goodbye and I was still half asleep, yawning and having to lean against the Doctor to stay upright.

We finally made it out of there and back to the TARDIS where I was rudely awakened by the cold. It took a while for me to convince the Doctor that it was bloody freezing – he finally noticed that my lips and hands were practically blue – and get him to turn on the heating. I thought I'd never be warm again, never be able to feel my poor toes. I can though so that's ok. I had a really long, hot, deep bath, put on my jammies and jumped into bed hoping to keep some of the warmth from my bath. Needn't have worried though because the Doctor had put two hot water bottles in bed so it was lovely and warm. He must be feeling sorry about the whole change of season thing. What a darling.

**A/N: umm, that was originally two chapters but I smushed them together because I though it would be better.**

**Please review darling readers love you all! xxxxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews, I love getting them! Please keep writing them! xxx**

**I'd really like to be able to write something one day that I can write "I own this" all over it – sadly it's never going to be this story.**

12/11

Well, nearly all my charitable feelings towards the Doctor have disappeared. The hot water bottles clearly didn't help as I woke up this morning feeling distinctly bleugh. If anyone is wondering that is indeed a technical medical term and means generally bunged up with a dash of sore throat – not fun. I got up and dressed though because I was always being told to "soldier on" and do the whole mind over matter thing when I was growing up. Also, the Doctor made me breakfast and the most wonderful cup of coffee.

After I'd eaten and blown my nose about a million times I felt very much more the thing so I foolishly agreed to explore the city we had landed in. The fact he was pulling his best puppy dog eyes at me probably had something to do with it – no one, except perhaps me, should have access to such excellent bribery tools.

The city was pretty fantastic though. It mixed the architecture and atmosphere of Paris with the canals and mystery of Venice but without the decay and modernisation that both suffered from. Visiting a place that combined me two favourite cities on Earth was pretty exciting. However, I couldn't help remembering that I had first visited Paris in the middle of a heat wave, with a cold.

The city was called Anestra, something to do with stars. It was the year 4289 and an early evening in summer. All very romantic. Except I started coughing and couldn't stop for a while.

Apart from my hacking coughs there was nothing to spoil the evening – that is until we found an elaborate palace that the Doctor said "shouldn't be here" – he is _always_ saying that. So off we went on a little investigation. I wasn't so ill that I didn't enjoy – I was actually already more than a little annoyed with this random palace. It contrasted sharply with the beauty of the city around it. I thought it looked a bit 70s/80s retro – a style I'd never liked – but the Doctor said it was from another planet who's name I've….forgotten, damn. Anyway, whatever, I thought it looked ugly and tacky. And not even tacky chic like Blackpool, just plain tacky.

Well, to cut a long story short, we found out that the Doctor was right (of course) this woman from another planet had come from another planet (well, duh) and declared herself a goddess. She was nothing special back home but the natural powers of her people looked that the powers of the gods here.

We met her, really nasty piece of work, used to getting her own way. There was something a bit odd about her though, she seemed to sort of shimmer sometimes and the way she acted was just wrong somehow.

The Doctor acted like a right smart arse (as usual) and got us into more trouble. Actually he got _me_ into more trouble. The "goddess" appeared to have taken a shine to him so she punished me for him being a cheeky bugger. It should be noted that it was at this time that a splitting headache was added to my list of ailments. Well, at least it stopped him being cheeky. He was very angry actually and demanded to be told what was going on.

From what I could make out through the stars floating around my head, it sounded pretty horrific. She'd been having them worship her for about six months and had demanded a sacrifice every month. One of the population was killed, slowly, in front of her and the rest of the city every month.

There were gullies in the floor. Blood had flowed down them to where she stood in the middle.

I think it was then that I noticed that what I had taken to be blood red lipstick was simply blood red lips. Full stop. She had to have been drinking the blood.

The Doctor looked completely disgusted. I still kneeled on the floor. My head pounding and I think I must have cut me knees when I fell because I looked down and saw red and threw up.

It wasn't the sight of the blood that did it but the knowledge that at least six people, and quite likely more, had lost their lives where I was kneeling.

The Doctor ran to my side before anyone could stop him and he rubbed my back until he was sure I had stopped throwing up and the made me lean back against his chest. The reassuring double beat of his hearts helped to slow my own pulse but I still felt like I had run miles.

We were picked up and dragged from her presence. Well the Doctor had managed to walk but my legs felt like custard and they weren't responding to my commands. We were locked in some sort of cell; even there the hideous retro style was continued.

The Doctor took me in his arms and we lent against the wall for a few minutes or hours. Time was elastic. When he judged that I was recovered enough to sit by myself he got up and went to inspect the door. I had only been watching him idly until he mumbled something about the "goddess" assuming too much and put a hand into one of his pockets and pulled out his sonic screwdriver.

God, I love that man.

He had pointed it at the lock, it had whirred a bit and the door had swung open. After a quick check outside, he came over and pulled me to my feet. Keeping his arm around my waist to make sure I didn't fall, we left the room and tired to get out bearings.

When I asked him where we were going, he seemed a bit surprised that I was talking, albeit in a very hoarse voice. From what I gathered from the fairly long and involved ramble that followed he had picked up something I hadn't. This was hardly surprising, even when I hadn't been hit round the head he still noticed more than I did.

According to him, the behaviour of the "goddess" over the sacrifices wasn't consistent with that of her people. They had a reputation for being supremely indifferent but not intentionally cruel. The systematic executions weren't normal. And she hadn't been too bothered with the fact we knew she wasn't an actual deity. Obvious conclusion – she was being possessed by something that needed blood. Well, the Doctor said it was obvious but I wasn't so sure. Apparently the solution to this situation was to – oh my god I've completely forgotten. Maybe I was hit harder than I thought. But I remember stuff after that so…if he's made me forget I'm going to kill him! Complete bastard messing with my memory!

Ah, I've remembered. Panic over and scratch that about the Doctor being a bastard. I think it has something to do with the medicine I've been taking.

Anyway, the Doctor worked out that the only life form that needed blood was a – whatchamacallitbloodthingy, and that it only needs _red_ blood cells. Something about haemoglobin. The people of the city's planet only have red blood cells hence the whatchamacallitbloodthingy (lets call it a haemaglobinate from now on) going to that planet. Also they're really superstitious there which helps when trying to set up a "goddess".

When the Doctor had decided all this we went to pay she/it a visit. The Doctor told it everything we (well he) had worked out. I've never been sure of this practice of his, could be better to employ a little mystery, and this time my fears were proved right.

The haemoglobinate left the "goddess"'s body, killed her in fact – the Doctor told me later that she'd been long dead. The haemoglobinate had a vaguely human shape except that it had no features and spoke directly into your mind – I didn't appreciate that. Also it didn't have any skin or clothes or anything, it just looked like a constantly moving, flowing mass of blood – very unnerving.

Because it was talking to us telepathically it widened the telepathic field and I could hear the Doctor talking back using his mind – I probably would have been able to do it as well if I hadn't been feeling too sick to try. Anyway they had this big long chat all about power and, of course, the Time War got dragged into it and the Doctor went all hard and ruthless and there was a lot of cold anger around. In my _mind_ for god's sake!

At about that moment I realised that the haemoglobinate's legs had been sort of oozing across the floor until it had reached my foot, travelled up my leg and was sucking my at my cut knee, trying to get the blood off it.

I couldn't move, I was completely frozen with horror at what it was doing. Just thinking about it now makes me want to throw up. The Doctor had the presence of mind to drag me away from it though and broke my daze when he did so, thank god.

The haemoglobinate began to writhe and the blood that flowed through it began to look dirty, a shadow spreading from the point that it had taken blood from me. It screamed once, long and loud, inside our heads and then blood just cascaded to the ground as if the invisible force field that had been holding it together had disappeared. I suppose that is exactly what did happen.

I couldn't stop shaking for the longest time and I felt so awful. On top of my cold symptoms, a splitting headache and a cut knee I also had the added moral pressure of having caused the death of another living thing. However unintentional it was.

It took us a while to get back to the TARDIS but when we did, and I had brushed my teeth about ten times to get rid of the taste of sick, I finally got round to nursing my cold. I think the Doctor felt guilty because he was unnaturally useful. He got me all tucked up in bed with a hot water bottle, a cup of coffee and that strange medicine that's making me feel scarily calm – I'm so calm though that I can't make any enquiries. He's supplied Pride and Prejudice for me to watch and I have a feeling that I'm going to fall asleep to the reassuring beat of two hearts again. What a darling.

**A/N: that was quite a long chapter really! I didn't find it that easy to write so if anyone has any tips or has noticed any tense rubbishing up please let me know and I'll try and fix it.**

**I also don't own Pride and Prejudice (it's the tv version with Colin Firth if anyone's wondering, bloody brilliant) so I better say that.**

**Please R&R, much love xxx.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: this is quite a small chapter but I'll try and update quickly afterwards so please review anyways.**

**WARNING: CONTAINS CLARK GABLE SPOILERS!**

**Still don't own it. Or Pride and Prejudice. Still. Ugh I hate doing this.**

13/11

The "darling" woke me up at 5:30 this morning.

I had fallen asleep on top of him while watching Pride and Prejudice. At half five this morning he decided he had to move – not is a gentle-letting-my-head-down-on-the-pillow kind of way. Oh no, in a jerky-sudden-leaping kind of way. Damn him.

His defence was that he'd stayed still, asleep most of the time, for the past four and three-quarter hours – wonderful for him. So I got a very rude awakening by an incredibly bouncy Doctor – four hours sleep will do that to a Time Lord. Doesn't work so well on this human.

Then he started asking all sort of annoying questions about why I still had a cold. Apparently on the very rare occasions that Time Lords contract colds they are gone in a couple of hours. Just what I wanted to hear, not. Mine's probably going to hang around for weeks, I'm just like that.

I did try to get back to sleep for a bit, phasing out his continual commentary. But then he started pointing that bloody sonic screwdriver at me and it was bleeping and he was still talking. So I hit him and shoved him out of bed with my feet. I can't believe that he actually asked me why I had hit him.

I actually had to get out of bed, my blanket still wrapped around me, grab him by the arm and drag him out of the room – him protesting all the way. I was about to turn with dignity and slam the door in his face but I tripped on the edge of the blanket and fell. He did manage to grab me just before my face slammed into the floor though and help me back to bed.

I was in no way grateful though, he'd woken me up! When I still struggled he threatened me with a fireman's lift. That shut me up. If he had I'm pretty sure I would have thrown up again because my head was still spinning.

Despite his threats I still told him to "leave me the hell alone" when I had got back under the covers. I don't think I could have been that menacing though because he only laughed as he left.

I finally forgave him my early awakening after I'd had about another five hours sleep and was feeling a bit happier. Also about ten minutes after I'd woken up he walked in with a tray to bring me breakfast in bed. It wasan _amazing_ breakfast.

While I had been asleep he had been busy, travelling around in the TARDIS to bring me things to make me feel better. He went to Paris to get freshly baked croissant, Italy for solid bread (it had a proper name but mine makes more sense), honey from a planet I'd never even heard of and a fair trade plantation in Brazil to get me my favourite coffee beans. It was wonderful. He was very strict though, he wouldn't let me have anything until I'd drunk a glass of orange juice (made from freshly squeezed Californian oranges, naturally) for the Vitamin C.

When I had we carried on our film marathon with "Gone With The Wind" and shared a truly glorious breakfast. He even managed not to make any comments about Clark Gable's fake teeth.

Life with the Doctor, full of ups and downs but he still manages to make it alright, even when I've got a cold.

**A/N: I also don't own "Gone With The Wind" or Clark Gable – and apologies if people didn't know about his teeth.**

**Please R&R xxxxx**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: there is a bit of a time gap between this chapter and the one before and it is entirely intentional in case anyone was wondering.**

**Still don't own it.**

**Sorry it's been a bit longer updating, I'm not on half term anymore and I'm doing an obscene amount of coursework. Will try to keep going though! Reviews help!!**

20/11

My cold is pretty much cleared up now. I got a bit feverish for a couple of days and the Doctor _completely_ freaked out. I would have reassured him except I wasn't making much sense, I wouldn't stop talking about gophers and I was eating peanut butter from the jar the whole time.

I also seemed to be hearing things. In my _head_. Sometimes it sounded like a cool, deeply calm female voice and sometimes it sounded like the Doctor. And he was quite often singing. It better just have been my fever.

My recovery was aided by the fact that I hadn't left the TARDIS and that she was back to normal temperature – with no input from the Doctor. He got electrocuted a couple of days ago and they seem to both be in a bit of a strop.

I'm still taking the weird medicine but it isn't having such a strong effect anymore, thank heaven, being calm the whole entire time was scary.

As a reward for my hideous suffering and because it was all his fault anyway and he had made it worse in so many ways – we went to stay the night with some friends of mine. Jess had phoned me up to ask if I was going to be around because a bunch of the old lot were going to get together for a night. The Doctor had no idea what he was letting himself in for.

When we were standing on Jess's doorstep I was a bit scared as I hadn't seen them in a while and I thought we might not be as close anymore. Jess's mum answered the door and gave me a massive hug and asked how her second daughter was and I wasn't worried anymore. We'd always got on pretty well. I introduced the Doctor as the Doctor – it was my decision to do this rather than think up a fake name for him, however fun that might be, I wanted my friends to know him as I did. Apart for the whole 900-year-old-two-hearted-alien-thing, that could wait.

When I went downstairs to the kitchen I could see the table was laid for dinner, very civilised. I was holding the Doctor's hand, as was custom for us, so when Jess grabbed me in a big hug he was jerked forward a bit. He threw me a bit of a disgruntled look but I poked my tongue out at him to get him to smile – I didn't want him to turn into grumpy Doctor. Something he is more than capable of doing on the slightest provocation.

After introductions, more hugs and a large amount of manly shaking of hands we could sit down. My guy friends were all shooting the Doctor furtive looks. No matter his real age he looked about mid 30s roughly 15 years older than us lot, not your average dinner party combination.

The girls didn't seem to mind though. I liked to think it was due to the fact that the females of my species matured faster. I'm not sure that's true though because Jenny and Nicki were both blatantly flirting with him. They could be a bit full on, especially together, and the Doctor shot me at least one scared, trapped look.

With several glasses of wine and a lot of good food down us, we all managed to relax a bit more and conversation flowed freely. I'd even managed to manoeuvre it so I was sitting on one side of the Doctor and Jess was on the other, a much less fearsome prospect, particularly as Ben, her boyfriend, was sitting opposite.

A couple of hours later we'd broken into the shots and the music was really loud. Me and Tom, my old dance buddy and partner in crime, were dancing and singing at the top of our lungs to The Killers' "Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll" an old favourite. The Doctor wasn't dancing but sitting in the corner racing Ben on who could drink five shots fastest.

The rest of the evening is a bit hazy after that about until the time Ben kissed me. That shocked me into awareness.

Not to sound conceited but I'd always had an inkling that he had a thing for me when we were at college but then he started going out with Jess so I assumed I was wrong, as you do.

Anyway, I was trying to explain something about gophers (being drunk is _just_ like having a fever) when he leaned in and kissed me. Right on the lips. Properly.

At least no one can think I wanted him to. I shoved him hard in the chest so hard he fell over on his back pouring my drink over him in the process and yelled at him some very unladylike things, basically telling him to jump.

Everything went completely quiet, even the music stopped which I don't quite understand. I looked up and met Jess's eyes and began to apologise even though I hadn't done anything. I felt awful. I felt worse a minute later when she shouted bitch at me and ran from the room. Closely followed by Jenny, stirrer extraordinaire.

Everyone else sort of stood there, staring. They knew I hadn't wanted that to happen, I'm pretty sure of it. Ben fled the room like the cowardly, philandering bastard that he is. Never liked him. Still no one moved. I started crying, silently thank god, but still tears streaming down my face. I noticed a couple of the other girls crying too but none of them came forward or said anything.

Finally a remarkably sober looking Doctor stood up and took me by the hand, leading me out of the room and out of the house. He walked with me silently down the road where the TARDIS had landed. About half way there the amount of alcohol I had drunk set in and my knees stopped working. They kept bending when they weren't supposed to and I found it very difficult to walk. The Doctor gave up after a couple of metres and just picked me up.

When we got in he placed me carefully on the sofa and moved so he was looking in my eyes. I was still shocked by what had happened and looked up hoping I wouldn't see anger or disappointment in his face. I didn't. I saw sympathy. That was all that was needed to completely open the floodgates.

I flung myself into his arms, sobbing and apologising over and over again. He put his arms around me and said, very seriously "Ella, you have nothing to apologise for. Do you understand?" I nodded and he seemed satisfied as he pulled me closer and stroked my back to try and make me calm down a bit.

I hope he didn't hear my incoherent words through the sobs about this always happening, only unavailable men and those I didn't like liking me and how Jess would never forgive me. I have a feeling he did though because he replied that Jess would come round in time and only a madman wouldn't like me and do everything to be with me. I think I might have started crying harder at that. I'm such a girl.

It took a fair while for me to run out tears. When I did I was completely exhausted and emphatically disagreed with him when he suggested it might be a good idea for me to go to bed, I didn't want to move. In the end I didn't have much of a choice. He got up depriving me of warmth and my comfy support. I was about to complain when he picked me up. Again.

If I had been less hammered or more awake or both I might have protested. As it was I had both the support and the warmth back so it didn't seem too bad. He carried me to my room, took off my shoes and coat and got me under the covers.

Considering I was really drunk I remember distinctly that it was at this point that I refused to let go of his hand and made him stay with me. He had had a few drinks himself and obviously didn't feel like arguing, so he kicked off his converse, took off his jacket and tie and lay down beside me. He was even going to lie on top of the covers (_such_ a gentleman) but I made him come in next to me – I'm _very_ forward when I'm drunk.

So this is the story behind the fact that I woke up this morning with a splitting headache, a bit of a relapse on the cold front and in the arms of a completely adorable Time Lord.

**A/N: I also don't own The Killers or Converse – I think that's all I have to say.**

**Please R&R for me darlings, xxxxxx**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you for all the lovely reviews, they are much appreciated. Hope you enjoy this next chapter!**

**I still don't own Doctor Who**

21/11

Today was a day of traumatic and angsty phone calls. Well, there was only about four but that was quite enough.

The first was my reason for waking up. It was about ten so not the crack of dawn, but I'd drank a fair bit last night and it had taken me a while to get to sleep. I woke up pretty much as soon as the phone started ringing but decided to pretend I hadn't, I was so warm and comfy. The Doctor started making unhappy moany sort of noises though so I thought I better shut it up some how. Unfortunately I decided the best way to do this was to answer it, bad move. It was Jenny.

My voice had gone alarmingly croaky with the cold relapse and I was still half asleep so I had to say hello a couple of times before she actually heard me. Then she started talking, really loud. I closed my eyes and frowned, rubbing my forehead but it didn't really help.

She started going on about it all being my fault (and when I say "all" I mean everything bad that has happened since we met four or five years ago). She called me a slapper and a slut and a whore and disloyal. Then she said it would serve me right if the Doctor dumped me. I didn't even have the chance to open my mouth to say that we weren't a couple before she had started on me thinking I was superior to them, which is bollocks.

Then the Doctor asked who was on the phone and that didn't help because she heard his deep manly voice (as he describes it) and starts calling me a slapper and a slut and all that again.

It took me about half an hour to get her off the bloody phone. God, she's a bitch. The only reason we still had any semblance of a friendship was because we had known each other so long, we had nothing in common except memories.

I wasn't crying for once but I felt really drained, I just kind of collapse back on my pillows. I needed a hug but the Doctor had got up to get me a cup of coffee which I did appreciate but he didn't stick around when he brought it, he went to do whatever. If he distances himself from me I'll be completely buggered.

The second call was from my mum when I had managed to drag myself out of bed and got dressed. I was sitting in the control room, staring into space. The Doctor was underneath the panels trying to reroute some wires. It didn't matter that we weren't talking; I didn't need conversation, just the comfort of his presence.

It appeared that my mum had been talking to Jess's mum. Jess had been in floods of tears and refused to talk to anyone about what had happened. Her mum had got it from Jenny but knew she was a right little stirrer so hadn't believed it was my fault. And she'd never really liked Ben, which helped.

Mum had called up to see how I was doing; as I was crying again and could barely speak the verdict was not good. She asked if I wanted to go home, I said no, I'd be ok. Even if the Doctor was being all distant and annoying this was where I wanted to be.

I was about to hang up when mum asked to talk to the man himself and I handed the phone over, not without a few misgivings. I wouldn't be surprised if she started lecturing him about looking after me but his answers were mostly one worded or "mmm"s so I didn't find out. It couldn't have been too bad because he burst out laughing at one point and returned a flirty, teasing answer. Sigh, unbelievable how much my family love him. Well not really, he is extremely loveable.

When he hung up he appeared to have gotten over his distant phase because he came and gave me a hug. Looking back I thing the distant thing probably had something to do with the fact he'd woken up in my bed, with me in his arms and no knowledge of getting there and had been scared. Not the most complementary conclusion but oh well. The fact that we were both pretty much fully clothed should have comforted him though.

Anyway he asked me what he could do to make me feel better and I asked him to take me somewhere distracting. We ended up on the planet Putina. For a strange reason we were chased by a group of Luganites: why they couldn't stay on their own planet I don't know. Actually yes I do, they were trying to overthrow the royal family, but you get the point. It was while we were being pursued, running hand in hand through twisting allies (I was lost and could only hope the Doctor wasn't), that Nicki rang.

Apparently, she just called to make sure I was alright, to tell me she loved me and I could call her anytime. I was completely out of breath and had a painful stitch in my side but I could still feel annoyed she was supporting me now rather than last night. Anyway I probably annoyed right back by saying that I couldn't talk right now and hanging up. Not before she told me to send her love to the Doctor – he went very pale and scared looking when I told him, bless.

We managed to leave Putina safe and sound with the Royal family alive and in power with no more than a black eye on my part (I ran into a lamp post – don't ask).

The last phone call was from Jess quite late this evening. I was getting ready for bed and the Doctor had gone to watch Little House on the Prairie re-runs – you learn something new every day. Our conversation included many tears and apologies. Jess even admitted that I had been right all along – Ben was definitely a philanderer not a rake. For future reference a philanderer is a bloke who goes around flirting with all the girls and generally being a heartless bastard while a rake is a dashing man who has flirted a far bit in his time but has the capacity to be rescued and "made" by the right girl and who is a good man at heart – absolutely wonderful.

I also explained about the Doctor being an alien and that we travelled through time and space. Jess had asked if I could come round tomorrow and I had to explain we were on the other side of the galaxy in another time and that he probably couldn't handle any more domesticity right now.

When the call was over, it took about an hour; I really didn't feel like being alone so I went to find the Doctor.

When I reached the sitting room Little House on the Prairie was over and the Doctor was lying full length on the sofa fast asleep – being a support for an emotional young girl must be tiring business. Anyway I didn't want to disturb him so I sat down and wrote this. Now it's up to date I don't know what to do. I only feel a bit sleepy.

How do you write down a giggle? Anyway, imagine I giggled. The Doctor woke up to tell me to stop sighing, I didn't even realise I was. The best cure, it seemed to me, was to go to sleep. Bothering to go to my room was too much; anyway I was already in my jammies, so I lay down on the sofa next to the Doctor.

If I'm not careful I soon won't be able to fall asleep without the steady rhythm of two hearts beating at my back.

**A/N: There you go, hope you liked it. I don't own Little House on the Prairie either.**

**Please R&R much appreciated xxxxxx**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Don't own a thingummy**

22/11

Oh, what a difference a day makes! It's great! Today there were no fights other than the Doctor refusing to let me get a tattoo; I mean jeez he's not my mother, though apparently it was facing her wrath that made him refuse so emphatically. He loves being loved and wants to keep it that way.

Anyway, it was fairly peaceful and just good fun! I'm off the scary calm medicine which is truly brilliant – I have emotions again, yay! I might be a little bit hyper actually. I have a sneaking suspicion that he made me keep on taking it longer than I had to to try and minimise the tears that have been going on recently – don't really think it worked.

We went shopping. Proper, fun shopping. Though supermarket shopping with the Doctor can be fun – we've been banned from three leading chains on several planets and in various times including my own.

So we went to a planet, quite a little one but it's devoted to shopping so it's absolutely wonderful! Shops everywhere! People travel from all over the universe to get there. Parking was absolute hell though – we landed on someone else's ship at first and had to get out of there really quick. The TARDIS appeared to be rather disgruntled because the Doctor kept apologising and stroking her – it's still wrong.

We kept getting odd looks from the locals while we were shopping. It's because we're both so distractible and distracting that we don't often notice where we're going. I kept finding myself in the men's section of random shops and, announcing loudly "I'm in the men's section _again_!", I'd spin round and try to get out of there. Though I always found it quite difficult and kept forgetting where I was and stopping to look at the clothes.

And the Doctor. Sigh I swear he went into every single lingerie shop on the bloody planet, and that's saying something. At first I have to admit I was a bit suspicious – I mean, male being, lingerie shop, what do you reckon? But in about the sixth or seventh shop he wandered into he handed me some random frothy, lacy thing and told me he thought I should get it because it was "practical" – a direct quote. I won't describe it but trust me it definitely wasn't practical.

The shocked look at least five assistants gave him gave me the terrible giggles and when I burst out laughing he just gave me an indulgent, patronising sort of look and steered me out of the shop saying "It's alright dear." And yes, I am aware that giggling isn't the normal response to that sort of situation – I should at least have been a little bit embarrassed but I'm weird like that. And it was so funny! Especially because as we were leaving the Doctor apologised to the assistants, about me! He still doesn't get why it was so funny.

When we weren't in the wrong places we did actually get some good shopping done – and yes I did buy some lingerie. It's really hard not to when you keep ending up in the shops and it's one of my favourite things to buy. The Doctor bought some clothes too, not that he'll actually wear them, just to add to his collection.

Though I didn't get embarrassed about the underwear thing he did when he realised I was actually buying some. He tried to look as though he didn't care but he was bouncing up and down on the sole of his feet and looking at the ceiling. Oh yeah, and when I was paying the guy behind the till started flirting with me. I probably would have assumed he was gay working in a women's lingerie shop but thinking about it it's probably a straight man's dream women and underwear. Anyway just as we were leaving the guy looked at the Doctor and said he hoped my boyfriend would appreciate it. That stopped him looking at the ceiling – he glanced between the two of us looking completely stricken, poor man. I just patted him on the arm, told the bloke "I'm sure he will" and lead him out of the shop.

He had to sit down for about twenty minutes afterwards. Again, not the most flattering reaction. What's so wrong about me as a girlfriend? He brightened up a bit after I bought him an ice cream – such a big kid that man. Though it did have sprinkles.

He had more suffering to come though. After he recovered we carried on walking around and ended up in a furniture shop. The assistant though we were newlyweds and offered us "his 'n' hers" towels! Mwah ha ha ha!

We were walking around hand in hand and I had got the Doctor to carry all the bags but apparently it had to more to do with the fact that we were testing the beds by bouncing up and down on them. I do not want to know what goes on in that shop man's head.

We ended up getting the towels though. I took quite a fancy to them – they were oh so fluffy. Anyway the Doctor and the shop man were having an argument about whether or not we were married – I'd cunningly hidden my left hand – when I interrupted with "Well, yes, darling, but can we please get the towels?" It wasn't a sort of I-love-you darling just a normal one – I call everyone darling. Anyway the shop assistant beamed upon the two of us and the Doctor rolled his eyes at me in a sort of exasperated expression while I did my best puppy dog impression – not as good as his but oh well – we got the towels! And they are very fluffy.

I used the "his" ones by mistake and now he thinks I think he isn't manly. I'll go and ask him to open a jar or trap a spider or something I think.

**A/N: I hope you liked it!! This is one of my favourite chapters, not much plot but who needs plot anyway!**

**My mum bought a red nose for comic relief today and it had a chocolate with DAVOD TENNANT on it in!!!! I MUST HAVE ONE! It is pretty much my only mission in life. **

**Please review – love you! xxxxxxxx**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: another time gap between chapters – it's just how the story wrote itself – and this story really did write itself. **

**Don't own anything – if anyone cares to give me a present though I would be most grateful!**

29/11

I'm having a bit of trouble sleeping at the moment and this is resulting in unattractive shadows underneath my eyes – I'm so not impressed. My mum always tried to convince me that this sort of thing was the result of not getting enough fresh air and exercise. Well I feel like I haven't stopped running for days, I've had as much fresh air as my lungs can hold and I still can't sleep.

I'm trying very hard not to think that it might have something to do with my being used to falling asleep next to the Doctor. That would be so wrong. And completely impossible. I mean can you imagine how that conversation would go.

"I haven't been able to sleep. I was wandering if we could share a room so I can fall asleep to the rhythm of your hearts."

Yes, well, I think not. And I hate how are I talk in imaginings – "fall asleep to rhythm of your hearts" – what the hell?

I keep thinking if I don't think about it it'll be fine. Trouble is, I can't stop thinking about it.

So I've been spending a lot of nights wading through our DVD collection. I haven't anywhere near finished it yet, it's huge. I'm also working hard on not being offended that the Doctor hasn't noticed that I'm barely sleeping. Thinking about it rationally he barely sleeps himself so it probably doesn't seem strange and also, wonderful as he is, he's still a bloke and they are generally completely oblivious.

However, the more sleep deprived I become the less able I am to think rationally. I've also developed a hell of headache which is not going away though I'm taking as many painkillers as I'm possibly allowed. All in all I'm feeling rather fragile and most things I say are pretty incoherent. He's noticed that enough for it to make him laugh, typical.

Well, I'm going to try and get some sleep. In reality I'm going to lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about what's happened over the last few months – absolutely bloody brilliant.

**A/N: there you go, another chapter, sorry it's a bit short, building up to a bit of a plot would you believe it.**

**I apologise for any spelling mistakes or things that don't make any sense in this chapter – appropriately I am completely knackered writing it.**

**Please review for me – they make me happy!! Love xxxx**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: sorry its been a bit long since there's been an update, I've been busy. As I write this I'm listening to David Tennant on Radio One, he IS lovely!**

**I don't own anything, as usual.**

30/11

I actually managed to get some sleep last night. I'd probably be feeling much better now except I had a horrific nightmare and woke up at 2:30 this morning.

I can remember it with absolute clarity, unfortunately. It started off quite nicely, me and the Doctor were walking through a city that looked pretty earth like. We had to run from something, I never really saw what, and we got separated in the crowds. Suddenly I was in a tunnel. It was dark and cold and there was water dripping somewhere. I heard footsteps behind me and I kept walking faster and faster until I was running. I made it out of the tunnel and I was by a river. There was a bridge close by and I could see the Doctor standing on it with his back to me. I started running to try and catch up but I didn't hear. He turned and walked away from me. I started running to try and catch up but I didn't seem to get any closer. Suddenly something grabbed me by the ankles and I fell. I turned over onto my back to find out what had tripped me and that's when I woke up, screaming.

The Doctor came running into the room to see me sitting bolt upright in bed. He sat next to me and pulled me into a hug. I just kind of clung to him and began sobbing. I don't need to know much about psychology to know that I had screamed because of whatever had tripped me but I was crying because of the loneliness I'd felt in my dream and the fear of abandonment.

I calmed down quite quickly with the Doctor there. When I was lying down again and my pulse slowed down he got me to tell him about the dream. I probably shouldn't have. I didn't want him to go all distant again, but I couldn't help it.

I wouldn't let him leave afterwards, however many times he promised never to leave me completely – I was too scared. So entirely, utterly, completely pathetic I know. He had to resign himself to staying with me for the rest of the night. I slept better knowing he had his arms around me and I was safe.

**A/N: sorry it's a little short, it's sort of leading up to the next bit of the story. I hope you liked it anyway, please review xxxxx**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I was going to not post this next chapter until I get some more reviews but I think I'm too nice! And I'm on holiday so I actually get a chance to do it!**

**Once again there is a time gap between this chapter and the last one – its on purpose!!**

13/12

I've been having the nightmares for about a fortnight now. Always the same and always with the same result – I wake up screaming and then begin crying. The Doctor has been completely wonderful about the whole thing but I feel terrible. This stuff has really affected our adventures. I'm tired the whole time, my reactions are slower than normal and I can't really handle being alone, without the Doctor.

The other day we got separated on a planet and I was so scared I was shaking when he found me; it was only about five minutes later. I don't think I let go of his hand for the rest of the day.

I'm ok in the TARDIS. I just sort of wander around and end up falling asleep in random places and at inopportune moments. The Doctor's so sweet though, he doesn't wake me up because he thinks I need all the sleep I can get.

Actually, he did wake me up once but that was because my head was resting in a puddle of orange juice on the kitchen table so it's forgivable.

You'd think, with time, I might have got a used to the nightmare but it still scares me just as much. It might even be worse now because I'm scared of going to sleep. I know what's going to happen when I do. I've been trying to read nice books with dashing heroes and enterprising heroines (basically anything by Georgette Heyer) to distract me before I fall asleep but I still end up having the nightmare so it doesn't really help.

I can't think of anything else to do. I don't know why I started having these horrible dreams. I've never been abandoned and none of the aliens we've fought or places we've been to could have prompted this.

Maybe it's because I'm happy, because I've got more to lose now. I don't know, that's just conjecture, it's a complete mystery. All I know is that it's awful and it's having a huge effect on my life and the Doctor's and I wish it wasn't.

**A/N: it's all a bit doom and gloom isn't it, sorry about that, it'll pick up soon, my character's very resilient!**

**Have to say that I don't own Georgette Heyer – if I did everyone would have to read all her books all the time, they are that good.**

**Also, I saw the first episode of the third series the other night! I was VERY overexcited and I wasn't disappointed. Unfortunately I quite like the new companion, despite being really really jealous!**

**Please R&R xxxxx**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I don't own Doctor Who – I know, shocking.**

15/12

Oh god. It's been such an awful couple of days.

Though I'm a bit useless in the running for my life stakes at the moment I haven't wanted to hang around in the TARDIS without anything to distract me. So, the Doctor's been taking me to places where he thinks we'll be safe. Sometimes he's more successful than others. Yesterday he was completely rubbish.

The TARDIS landed with barely a jolt in Liverpool, Earth year 2010 or there abouts, and there was nothing on the screen when he checked (I can't believe he's going as far as doing this, we never normally do, it's sweet). However, as soon as we stepped outside we hit problems. It was only when we were actually standing in the street that we noticed how eerily deserted it was. There was an explosion a couple of streets away and smoke rose above the buildings. We both reacted by instinct, running towards the problem rather than away from it which would have been much safer and cleverer. Oh well.

When we reached the scene of the explosion we saw rubble everywhere and a few bodies as well. I think it jolted me out of the terror that I had been experiencing because I dropped the Doctor's hand completely voluntarily and rushed to where two legs were poking out from under the remains of a building. I began to shift some of the plaster and bricks to try and reach the person.

The Doctor walked down the road, I think it was to try and work out where the explosives had been.

Neither of us got very far. Without warning we were grabbed from behind and pulled into the middle of the street to face a tall, built man wearing a policeman's uniform – obviously a little more modern than I was used to. I was saddened to see they all carried guns – I'd always hoped we could avoid having armed police.

Me and the Doctor were still several metres apart and the fear of being alone I'd been feeling for days came rushing back to me. Getting no answers from the strange man's face I turned my incredibly wide and scared eyes on the Doctor. He tried to give me a reassuring smile but it turned to a grimace of pain as his arms were forced further up his back, almost to breaking point. He began to question the man, asking what he wanted with us, threatening him and telling him we hadn't done anything in the same breath.

The gist of the story was that we had interrupted what he called an "extermination". The people dead around us on the street were known, or even just suspected, aliens. And they were being killed off by these people; I was now sure they weren't the police, simply because of that.

That got me angry and not a little scared. The man I trusted above everyone to get me out of this situation and the only person who could possibly get me home was a 900-year-old alien. Who was just standing there looking more angry than I'd ever seen him.

Before either of us could say something, one of the men did some sort of blood test on us both. I don't know how, but in some technical way they managed to find out from these that I was human but from the wrong time and that the Doctor most certainly wasn't. Understandably this had them somewhat confused. The Doctor introduced me and then himself. This turned out to be a good idea as they lowered their guns.

However, I was swiftly dragged off to the nearest car and from there to prison so I was unable to benefit from this softening in their attitudes.

I spent all night in a cell. I fell asleep once but awoke at the end of my nightmare, and with no Doctor to comfort me I didn't sleep after that. It was the most scared I've been in my life. It felt very like my dream, my being alone. I could even hear water dripping from a tap somewhere nearby. I felt I would never get out of there. I'd never been locked up by myself before and I was severely less than impressed.

When morning came I didn't expect a change in situation. I was by now severely hungry, however, and when my door was opened at about half nine I was hopeful that I was being brought breakfast.

The guard just held the door open though. When no one walked through as I had expected I stood up and walked over to him. He said that he apologised for any inconvenience and that I was free to go.

That was it.

I just walked through the door, down several long, white, anonymous corridors, out through reception and the main entrance and into the real world again.

Descending the few steps on to the pavement, I looked around and realised that I was near the Albert Docks. My mind boggled at the thought of trying to work out where the TARDIS was in relation to my current location.

I heard a voice call my name and turned to see the Doctor striding towards me. I ran a few steps and was lifted up in his arms. I was happy just to see him again and feel the strength in his arms. I could hear him apologising into my hair and had to pull back to reassure him, he looked so guilty.

I was only prevented from bursting into tears, yet again, by the presence of a stranger. With hugs and apologies over, the Doctor turned, one hand still firmly clasping mine, to introduce the other man.

So this was Captain Jack Harkness. I'd heard a lot about him and told him so. He returned it saying none of it did me justice. Here the Doctor intervened saying there was a time and a place, and when he was met by an innocent look, went on to say that I'd been through enough without Jack flirting at me.

Jack's going to travel with us for a bit. He runs the Torchwood in Cardiff apparently. That's what got us out, the Doctor's a "code 9" – he _loved_ that – and Jack's always called in when he's involved. The pair of them managed to stop the exterminating humans as well.

Though it meant I had to spend a lonely night in a cell, I was still glad that I'd managed to miss the Doctor explaining about his regeneration, and Rose, and me. That would've really sent me over the edge.

Now we're all back on the TARDIS and Jack is re-exploring. The Doctor has stayed right beside me ever since he found me again, hasn't let me out of his sight. He's lying on the bed beside me while I write this. He's got a cup of tea in one hand, the other is resting on his stomach, his legs are crossed at the ankles and he's watching a film. I'm not really paying much attention but judging by his running commentary it's a romantic comedy and the girl has just rejected the man.

I'm feeling very tired now. Think I'll have a bit of a nap, or at least snuggle up with the Doctor to see the end of the film. He is very snugly.

**A/N: I know EVERYONE puts captain jack in their stories and it's a bit of a cliché – but I like him so tough. Um, I don't think I have to do any spoilers here.**

**Has anyone noticed that Cary Grant looks like his side parting is done with a ruler or something?**

**Anyway, please R&R – I hope you liked it xxxxxxx**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: a short chapter I'm afraid, I'll hopefully update soon though!**

**I don't own Doctor Who – but I AM going to watch it tonight!!!**

16/12

Today we had a Lord of the Rings marathon. When I say marathon I mean it. We watched all three films, and I'm talking special magic extended editions. As usual they made me cry but I love them.

The three of us spent all day on the sofa – except when we went to cook more food. Well, me and the Doctor cooked while Jack lounged around, chatting and telling us what he's been up to. He's led quite a life. There was also the interesting question of his being unable to die to be discussed. The Doctor explained about Rose and Bad Wolf – more than I've ever heard before.

I was worried he might not be able to handle all the memories but he seemed ok with it. Perhaps seeing Jack again was allowing him to put everything in perspective and lay it to rest. I don't know.

His eyes are less troubled anyway.

Except when he's looking at me; I keep getting the feeling that he knows more than he's letting on. A sort of niggling at the back of mind. It may well be a good thing I don't know.

I like Jack. He makes me laugh and he's a good man, if a little troubled. But perhaps that has something to do with the Doctor. I feel more and more that this meeting between them is going to lead to some sort of closure, for both.

When we'd finished watching The Return of the King I was all for watching it again with the actor's commentary – Dominic Monaghan and Billy Boyd are really funny, and Billy Boyd has a Scottish accent! My obsession with film can get a _bit_ annoying at time, I think. I was prevented from doing this however, by _very _underhand tactics. The promise we could watch Dog Soldiers (the Doctor criticising the werewolves the whole way through: "they don't even _look_ like that!") next meant that I had to forgive them though.

That and the puppy dog eyes and the gorgeous food. I ate about three helpings _and _we had Ben & Jerry's!

I feel that I, like Bridget Jones before me, could form a very meaningful and deep relationship with both Ben and Jerry simultaneously.

**A/N: there you go**

**I don't own the Lord of the Rings, Dominic Monaghan, Billy Boyd, Dog Soldiers, Ben & Jerry's or Bridget Jones.**

**I own barely anything – except three easter eggs! Get in. **

**Please R&R, theres a love.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: ok before I get into this chapter I have to mention that it has a bit of Torchwood in it (which, incidentally, I don't own) and I wrote it before the whole Gwen/Owen thing started. And as I really didn't like Gwen after she started that thing with Owen I decided to leave it as it was so there!**

**I don't own Doctor Who**

18/12

Jack got a call from work today. It seemed pretty important because when I woke up at 10:30 this morning we were already hurtling towards Cardiff. I'd slept late because of the nightmare and I probably would have slept later apart from the whole hurtling thing.

Anyway I stumbled into the control room, still half asleep, to find a worried looking Jack and an excited Doctor flipping switches.

When I asked what was going on Jack paused just long enough to tell me he liked the just woken up look before returning to making demanding questions down his phone. His comment made me feel a bit self-conscious, so I raised one hand to check my hair (a mess) and used the other to pull down my too short night shirt further over my bare legs.

The Doctor was still being excited and revealed we were off to Cardiff. Before I could question any further he told me to go and get a cup of coffee. I found this such sound reasoning that I couldn't argue.

About ten minutes later we had landed and I had drunk my coffee, showered, dressed and woken up a bit. I can work fast when I needed to and I didn't want to be left behind. And so we set off for Torchwood the Third.

Before we entered the establishment, the Doctor worriedly asked Jack whether he was going to be arrested. When Jack replied in the negative all his fears seemed to have been laid to rest as he was back to overexcited mode, like an overgrown puppy.

I, however, was slightly worried about his question. Also the fact that no one had explained why we were here. I was about to protest but I think they suspected something because they each took one of my hands and led me inside.

We strolled through the reception, a door hidden in the wall and through a labyrinth of corridors until we finally reached the heart of the place.

Jack let go of my hand when we arrived and went to talk to his team. After a quick consultation were introductions – Tosh, Owen, Ianto and Gwen. I could deal with that. The Doctor introduced us and there was much smiling and nodding.

The way Owen mentioned the "situation" made me feel sure that he didn't trust us and wasn't going to reveal anything. Arrogant as anything that guy. To be fair he had only just met us but we look so trustworthy with our innocent faces – well, my innocent (and sometimes a bit thick) one and the Doctor's all knowing one.

Jack took us down to the cells to show us the few aliens they had there. The Doctor named them all faultlessly, mostly for my benefit, and added a bit of a back story. The others were clearly impressed, the Doctor dismissed their surprise with a "Well, I am brilliant" making Jack smile.

They all became very involved in talking about the different species, and the Doctor was having a go at talking to them themselves with a bit of help from the TARDIS. Because of this I could hear the conversation, not at all pleasant, and I developed a very sudden headache. Whatever the situation there was really no reason for the Weevils to shout they were going to rip everyone's heads off.

My head was spinning and I had to lean against a wall and close my eyes to stay upright, and conscious. Gwen tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I wanted a cup of tea. I agreed and we left – but not before I got the Doctor to give me the painkillers he carries for me (well, his pockets _are _bigger on the inside) and a promise that he wouldn't stay down here forever or get into a fight. The others looked a bit surprised but then they couldn't understand what the Doctor and the Weevil were saying to each other.

Me and Gwen had a good chat. She was really interested in my life with the Doctor and she told me about herself. She talked about her boyfriend – after I'd fielded the normal questions about me and the Doctor – and it was she really loved him. But the way she talked about Jack – she was obviously attracted to him. And not just because of the charm and the looks – his personality and the glimpses she's had into his past. I don't blame her, he is attractive. Specially the style he's got going on.

Tosh and Owen went off to talk to some people so Jack suggested the rest of us go out for lunch – but not Ianto. I did ask if he was coming but he said he had too much work to do or something, a bit strange. I was feeling much better and curious about seeing Jack and Gwen together.

We went to a nearby restaurant and when we'd got our food the Doctor said he'd told Jack that we'd see him when we were around at Christmas. Full of surprises that man, I didn't know we were going to be around at Christmas and said as much. And do you know what he said? That as I'd been having such a hard time recently he thought I'd like to be at home for Christmas.

I was just about ready to melt. I hate spending Christmas away from my family. The most important thing he'd said though was that _we_ were going to be around at Christmas – I can't believe he's even contemplating something like this, and with the madness that is my family as well.

Gwen looked like she was about to cry with the sweetness of the man and I didn't want to encourage her so I reminded him that we'd now have to go shopping and did he think it was safe to go back to the shopping planet.

That prompted the story of our time there and the Doctor's confusion in the lingerie shops and the "his 'n' hers" towels. The Doctor stayed silent for most of it but injured pride prompted him to mention that it was quite a big spider he saved me from after I'd used the "his" towels. I agreed, because it was – and also because I still wanted to go home for Christmas. You can only tease a man so far.

Jack and Gwen seemed quite comfortable in each others presence, very connected. I was pretty sure there was a spark between them. When they went to pay the bill (neither I nor the Doctor had any Earth, let alone British, money on us) I asked the Doctor what her thought. He looked at me funny and asked if I'd only just noticed that Jack was the universe's biggest flirt. I told him I thought this was something more and he sort of shrugged and they came back before I could get him to give me a proper answer. It was probably too "domestic" for him as well – speculating about his friends' relationships.

So Jack has gone home, back to Cardiff. I'm going to miss him even though he was only around for a couple of days. He kind of gets under your skin. Well, we'll hopefully see him as Christmas. Though, in the TARDIS that could be any time away.

**A/N: ok I don't own the weevils either. Hope you liked it, I'll try and update soon**

**Please, please, please, please review!! xxxxx**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: this is a little chapter, but when you write a real diary something exciting doesn't happen every day so you know it makes sense!!**

**I don't own Doctor Who**

19/12

It does seem strange without Jack. The Doctor was a bit quiet this morning and obviously missed him. However, as the day wore on he seemed happier and happier, confirming my belief that it helped him to talk about things.

He even made me feel happier and given that I haven't had an unbroken night's sleep in quite some time that's a real accomplishment.

If I'd thought about it I think I would have assumed that my nightmares and everything else that has been happening to us would have put a strain on our relationship. I mean, at the moment, I'm constantly tired, often irritable and depressed and almost entirely dependent on his presence.

Do you know what though? I think it's made us stronger, as a couple. Not a couple, couple but you know what I mean.

When, if, this ends – then we will see how close we've truly become and how dependent we are on each other.

I'm fairly certain we're co-dependent. I blatantly need him and it shows in the little things that he needs me – to give him a hug when he thinks of one of his painful memories or to make him laugh. Well, he needs someone, it doesn't necessarily have to be me, but I must be as good as anyone.

He told me once that I give him the will, the inclination to carry on travelling. My seeing these planets and civilisations with new eyes makes him look at them afresh as well, makes him want to carry on looking.

This, coming from a 900 year old time travelling alien, must be a compliment.

**A/N: there you go, like I said just a little one.**

**I just wanted to put in some of the things I know I'd think about in this sort of situation.**

**Well, please please review – I love them so much!! xxxx**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: it's been a bit of a while since I updated, sorry. I don't own doctor who and I hope you like it.**

20/12

_If _we ever come out of this seems much more likely than _when_.

I, of course, had my nightmare again last night but it had changed a little bit and was much worse.

The city that we were in came into sharper focus and, though I knew it was definitely alien and that I'd never been there before, it seemed achingly familiar. Also, the crowd that separated us was panicked, running from something – and the panic definitely rubbed off on me. Though I still didn't see the face of whatever had tripped me, when I woke up it seemed much more realistic. Like it could have actually happened, as if it were a memory rather than just a dream.

I felt more upset than ever. I had felt an emotional connection to everyone in that city, not just the Doctor this time. Strangely he had been holding the hand of an eerily familiar little girl, though I'm sure I've never seen her before.

It took me longer than ever to stop crying and when I finally did I was filled with feverish energy. I paced up and down my room as I explained the new elements of the nightmare to the Doctor. Even through my agitation I could see that he'd picked up that far away look in his eye as I described the city in more detail, as requested. It was a clear sign that he was thinking of things that had happened long ago and far away. He didn't tell me what he was thinking but I thought I heard him mumble the word "Arkania".

I didn't sleep for the rest of the night. I just lay in the Doctor's arms and he told me stories of distant days and past adventures. I felt like a small child again, completely safe, loved and protected.

Though I couldn't sleep I did feel peaceful. It wouldn't take much to make me feel panicked again but at that moment in time I was at ease, breathing deeply and listening intently.

**A/N: there you go, I'm sorry if I spelt Arkania wrong, I guessed and spelling has never been my strong point.**

**Please please review, I really appreciate and I will reply! x**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: bloody Eurovision with its bloody uselessness.**

**I don't own Doctor Who – and I wish I owned Eurovision so I could ban it.**

21/12

I had the new more detailed version of my nightmare again last night. My dream self seemed to recognise some of the faces in the crowd, though when I woke up I couldn't remember what they looked like.

This obviously puzzled the Doctor and he looked even more worried. Neither of us slept afterwards.

He won't tell me tales of his past adventures anymore, he reads books out loud to me. He's very good at doing the voices but doesn't like doing the women's parts so I do them. He says he doesn't like saying "I love you" to himself, it's quite funny.

We watched a film to take a break from reading this afternoon. He must have been exhausted because he fell fast asleep about five minutes in. I lasted a little longer but soon succumbed to the beat of his hearts and the monotony of the plot.

Though we slept for a couple of hours, I didn't have my nightmare. I'm going to take this as a definite good sign. I did wake up with a crick in my neck but what you gonna do.

My pleasure at not waking up screaming induced a bout of hyperactivity in me and the Doctor had slept for a couple of hours so he was full of energy. It resulted in a pillow fight to the death – well until we both collapsed on the floor, breathless with laughter. It was the first time I've felt properly happy in a while, a lovely warm toasty feeling, like a hot water bottle.

Emboldened by his success in the pillow fight, the Doctor landed us on a planet covered in snow and started a snowball fight. Little did he know that I had a lot of experience in this pastime. I didn't have two brothers for nothing. I completely owned him.

When we tired of the fight we made snow angels and an excellent snowman, called Gerald. It was so much fun.

We returned to the TARDIS and had huge mugs of hot chocolate and slices and slices of cinnamon toast. We couldn't stop smiling and laughing. I felt happy and light hearted and it was infectious. We finally collapsed into bed a couple of hours later and fell asleep quickly.

**A/N: hope you enjoyed it, please review xx**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Next chapter and a quick update – wow.**

**I don't own Doctor Who.**

22/12

I finally got the Doctor to come Christmas shopping today. I'm not one of those people who starts in October or anything but leaving it until the day before we're supposed to be at my parents' house is cutting it a bit fine. Anyway we decided to go back to the shopping planet but to land on the other side of it in the hopes that we would be able to avoid the shops we had been in last time. Parking was even more hellish than normal and the whole place was festooned in non-religious decorations – well, I saw a couple of stars but we'll let it pass.

It didn't take us long to do the easy presents, i.e. mum, James, Lily, my grandparents, my three uncles and aunts and my five cousins and there was only the difficult people to get, my dad and Dominic. The Doctor had got to the low blood sugar stage of shopping when he just needed to sit down, take a break and get some food in him. I sent him off in search of lunch and carried on by myself for a while.

When I found him again, an hour and a half later, he was back in the TARDIS tinkering away. I'd been very successful so I didn't bother having a go at him for escaping, also I was exhausted.

I had to snatch the bag that had his present in away from him and he got that knowing look in his eye and he has his overexcitement back.

I'd had a panicked phone call from mum which resulted in another couple of bags being added to my pile, presents for Ben and Stace who were joining us for Christmas.

I did give the Doctor something that I'd bought for him. I gave him a stocking. When I found out I couldn't believe he didn't have one. Opening stockings on Christmas morning was one of the best and most important traditions we had. I'd also bought us a copy of "The Grinch" a most brilliant Christmas film. As soon as I had stowed all the bags in a cupboard (hiding the Doctor's in a special place where I was sure he wouldn't find it, however hard he looked) we settled down to watch it.

The Doctor loved it even more than I thought he would – I keep hearing snatched of him singing around the TARDIS. Stuff like "seasick crocodile" and "termites in his smile", once even "Where are you Christmas?".

I had to wrap all the presents tonight but it wasn't the ordeal I thought it would be because the Doctor showed me this room I'd never been in before. It was like something you see in all the old Christmas movies. It had a beautiful fireplace, with a roaring fire, and we spread all the presents and wrapping paper and ribbons and bows out like Santa's grotto, listened to Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and drank cups of cocoa. I did the actual wrapping while the Doctor alternated between decorating and writing the labels and staring into space to better understand the story. The labels when he was concentrating were written in beautiful calligraphy and the ones when he was concentrating on Harry's trials and tribulations are in a spider like scrawl.

Sleep came easily when we finally went to bed, though my fingers were throbbing from the continual sticking down and folding and curling of ribbon, and though I was starting to get that excited Christmas feeling that makes you laugh and smile for no real reason.

**A/N: I have to say that I wrote this around Christmas and I was getting a bit overexcited. Also, most of the traditions and situations that are mentioned have actually happened in my family, so it's all drawn from real experience.**

**I don't own "The Grinch" (a damn fine film), Harry Potter or Stephen Fry. Who else is getting overexcited about the last book?**

**Please review x**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: I don't own Doctor Who – shock horror.**

23/12

We got more sleep last night that is normal for us at the moment. My nightmare didn't wake me up until about 5:30 in the morning; it was like having a lie in. It was probably because I was so shattered from all the shopping and wrapping the night before.

We woke up slowly as I knew mum would never appreciate us properly if we turned up at the crack of dawn. Especially as it would be before she had time to do any cooking, cleaning or decorating.

After eating breakfast and packing, involving a double check that all the presents were there, the Doctor told me that he wanted to give me the first part of my present. I did protest that it wasn't Christmas yet but only very weakly and he easily overruled all my arguments. I really wanted to know what it was and he knew it. He told me to go and wrap up warm and I did in double quick time, still buttoning up my coat and jamming on my hat as I walked back into the control room. He'd only put on his normal overcoat but I've got used to the fact that the cold doesn't effect him that much.

Just before he opened the doors to show me where we were, he straightened my hat, took my hand and smiled down at me. A smile that grew broader when he noticed the slightly apprehensive questioning look that I was throwing in his direction. With one hand he flung open the door and what was revealed made my breath catch in my chest.

It was completely, enchantingly, startlingly beautiful. The place seemed to be made of glitter or diamonds or something. It looked as if a sculptor had discovered a giant crystal and let their artistic genius run wild with swooping lines ending in pinnacles or deep valleys.

When I could speak I said that this was what I had always imagined stars were like before I found out that they were just burning rocks. That's all I'd grasped in Physics anyway, never my best subject. That made the Doctor smile more than ever. He said, "Well, yeah, most stars are just burning rocks – except for one." That made me very over excited as I immediately guessed that this was the one star that was how children imagined all stars were before their daydreams were ruined by scientific knowledge. The Doctor explained that this star was a mass of ice that reflected the light of a nearby sun and therefore lasted only 1000 years. Within the frozen water were hundreds of diamonds that made it shine even brighter.

We walked for hours over that star, savouring the brilliance of it and the splendid isolation. When we returned to the TARDIS I was beginning to feel the cold through my multiple layers, my toes had turned numb long before. However, I couldn't resist the temptation to stop outside the doors to take one last, long look at that wondrous star. As I shivered the Doctor stepped behind me and wrapped me in his arms and coat to keep me warm.

When I finally managed to tear my gaze from the beauty of the prospect I turned to him, still within the warmth of his embrace. I didn't know how to express my gratitude for my present, how happy it made me to visit somewhere so quiet and empty and feel so completely safe and divorced from reality, including my dreams. I did try to put these thoughts into words but only got as far as "thank you" before I felt and overwhelming desire to cry and was pulled into a massive bear hug. Unable to speak I contented myself with burying my face into his neck and returning the hug.

After several long minutes we finally drew apart and, with a last glance at the landscape, entered the TARDIS.

The Doctor programmed the settings for my house while I made us a cup of tea, took off some of my layers and checked that we had all the presents just once more. I'd also bought a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates for the Treize Desserts on Christmas Eve night.

When we arrived we hurried through the rain to the front door and knocked, well, pounded on the glass until we were let in. Trust England for rain at Christmas rather than snow. When we finally managed to stumble into the warmth we were met by a sea of people, everyone appeared to have arrived before we did. My mother was at the centre of the chaos, creating more, and absolutely in her element – her entire family surrounding her. The pair of us were seized again and again into long hugs – there was a lot of manly handshakes for the Doctor. Poor man, he still didn't know what he'd let himself in for, visiting my family. Besides my siblings, their respective partners, my parents and grand parents there were a further eleven people – uncles, aunts and cousins.

Curiously, no one asked who he was; I suppose mum must have explained. I was more thankful for this than ever before. Over the past few weeks our relationship has grown more and more ambiguous through my need for his support and to try and explain it to my family (who constant interrupt to ask questions about irrelevant details) is more than I'm capable of.

We spent a wonderful evening – eating, drinking and generally being merry.

**A/N: I would just MELT if David Tennant straightened my hat! **

**Also – about stars – I really can't remember if they're burning rocks or gas or what so don't attack me about that – I was really rubbish at Physics! But that is how I think they should be!**

**Please review! xxx**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: I don't own Doctor Who.**

24/12

Christmas Eve. I'm glad Father Christmas is supposed to come tonight and not last night – there were too many other things going on for anyone to worry about him.

I tumbled into bed around midnight after a little too much to drink. I was sharing a room with my two girl cousins (11 and 4) and the Doctor was down the corridor sharing with my little brother. I think it was the alcohol that meant I didn't even think about having my nightmare before I fell asleep. I still woke up screaming at two this morning though.

My poor little cousin burst into tears as well and the whole house was woken up. The Doctor came racing down the hall as fast as he could but he wasn't the first on the scene. My cousin was being comforted by her parents and everyone else was yelling conflicting advice on how to calm me down. Though I'd stopped screaming I was now sobbing uncontrollably and nothing anyone was doing was helping.

The Doctor elbowed his way through the crowds and sat down beside me so I could fling myself into the comfort of his arms. I think mum was a bit irritated that nothing she had done had made any difference by I began to calm down as soon as the Doctor arrived.

As my sobs began to lessen I managed to mumble that I'd had too much to drink to which my male relatives reacted with much amusement. Though the Doctor stroked my back and said "I know, darling, I know" there was definitely a smile in his voice. He managed to get everyone to go away, my cousins quickly being allocated different sleeping places. Even my mum began to make leaving movements, after he had explained that I didn't need any "Sleepytime" tea and that neither of us would sleep again anyway.

Much as mum would hate to admit it, the Doctor had much more control of the situation than she did.

When everyone else began to stir this morning, the Doctor and I had long since given up being in bed. We'd had an early breakfast and a long walk. I took him on my favourite route through the surrounding fields.

We got back to the house at about nine, complete with pink noses, to find everyone else in bathroom negotiations and eating breakfast. As I had suspected mum took the earliest opportunity to whisk me off to another room to "talk". We left the Doctor to enjoy a second breakfast in the company of several of my cousins, whose meals generally ended in food fights.

Mum wanted to go into great detail over the dream, the last thing I wanted to do. I briefly explained that I'd been having them for a couple of weeks and that we were sorting it out. That could be considered as a sort of lie but I do really believe the Doctor has an idea of what is going on. Anyway she pestered me to give her a description of the dream but I managed to avoid that.

When I finally managed to escape back to the kitchen I discovered a food fight in full swing. My Aunt Molly had left the Doctor in charge and this, five minutes later, was the result. Absolute carnage. I demanded to know who had started it and five fingers were pointed unwaveringly at the Doctor. He was still armed, and eating his ammunition, so was unable to defend himself. I ordered him to go and have a shower and the others to help me tidy up.

As he walked past me to leave the room I told him that my mum thought it was best that we shared a room. I was ready with an explanation if he showed even the slightest hesitation or hint of surprise but he merely nodded and carried on walking, trying to remove some cereal from his hair.

The day passed in decorating, last minute wrapping, cooking and, naturally, eating. I even managed to play a bit of piano – something I hadn't done since I first started travelling with the Doctor. I was a bit rusty at first but soon got back into it. The Doctor came to find me after I'd been playing for a while, I think he was supposed to tell me that supper was ready but he got distracted as soon as he saw me at the piano. He sat down beside me and we played a couple of duets amid much giggling. It didn't surprise me that he knew how to play; he's been around a bit.

We were only interrupted with the arrival of Jack. I had no idea he was coming but apparently the Doctor had sorted it out with my mum, she is such a push over when it comes to him. She's completely smitten with Jack as well but it's entirely mutually and my Dad views him as some sort of innuendo filled tumbling puppy. My family's reaction to people cannot be normal.

**A/N: ****I must just say I don't own "sleepytime" tea, I don't even like it, but my mum always tries to get me to drink it when I can't sleep.**

**T****here you are hope you like it, Christmas is coming!!**

**Please review xxx**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: call me slow but I've just realised that there are only two chapters left, including this one. So a race to the finish line then. I hope you like it!**

**I don't own Doctor Who.**

25/12

When we woke up at a ridiculous houe this morning, after another nightmare, our stockings were already on the end of the bed and bulging. I _love_ Christmas!

After extracting a solemn promise from the Doctor that he wouldn't touch his stocking while I was away, I went downstairs as quietly as possible to make us both a drink.

When I returned he was looking far, _far_ too innocent. As I handed him his mug I noticed a glint of gold in his hand that he was trying very hard to conceal. I immediately accused him of eating chocolate money without me and he only stopped denying it when I had wrestled the wrapper from him and he had no defence. We both collapsed into giggles.

We spent ages looking through everything Father Christmas had brought us and eating chocolate for breakfast – absolutely fantastic, one of my favourite things about Christmas.

As the hour became more civilised we began to get visitors in the form of my cousins and my younger brother. The regularity with which they arrived led me to suppose that they had been told by their respective parents that we were the best people to visit early in the morning. I didn't mind, if we were going to be awake we may as well be useful. We spent about an hour showing what we had received and eating more chocolate.

After I'd decided that there were quite enough crumbs in my bed I moved the party downstairs for breakfast. Everyone dragged their stockings with them, it's one of the traditions of my family that included in the stocking would be a mini box of "special" cereal. I don't know why we couldn't take the box out of the stocking and just take that downstairs but no one ever did.

While I sorted out bowls, milk and spoons for everyone, James got them sitting down and the Doctor did drinks and supervised his toast. He was very keen to try out a special jar of marmalade he'd received in his stocking.

When the rest of the adults surfaced breakfast was over and things really got moving. I had to get Jack to wake up first, as I left his room I had a loud exclamation of "I _love_ Santa Claus!". Those who wished to, dressed and attended mass at the nearby church. I was one of them, though I don't go to church during the rest of the year at Christmas it's a tradition and mum really appreciates it. This year was particularly amusing as there was a carol service before mass began and there weren't enough hymn books to go round so we spent a lot of time making up the words and humming. James insisted on using a Scottish accent as well, no idea why.

When we returned, brunch of scrambled eggs, smoked salmon and brown bread and butter was almost ready and mimosa was being served. All of us sat down at the table and partook of the meal, I missed out the scramblers, amid much chatter and noise.

After brunch it was time for more champagne and the opening of presents. We all moved into the sitting room where the Christmas tree was standing. After finding somewhere to sit (I was perched on the arm of the Doctor's chair) the madness began. The next couple of hours passed in a blur of wrapping paper, hugs, thank yous, squeals of excitement and kisses. A couple of the squeals were from me, I got some wonderful presents.

When, finally, there were no more presents left under the tree and everyone had calmed down a bit the Doctor stood up to make an announcement. He had been quiet for a bit and he had that look of anticipation in his eye. As this usually resulted in us running for our lives I was a little apprehensive. He smiled and said "I have just one last present to give to you all, if you wouldn't mind stepping outside…"

It was actually a bit more than "stepping out", everyone had to get wrapped (I wore my new hat) which took a while. Eventually when everyone was outside, the Doctor, wearing his overexcited schoolboy face, walked over to the TARDIS and opened the doors. My apprehension increased, offering to take everyone somewhere, or even allowing them inside the TARDIS, was not a good idea. However, he merely turned to face us, reached to press a small button above the doors, grinned and said "Merry Christmas".

As soon as he touched the button a blue light shot from the top of the TARDIS and into the sky and it began to snow. It looked beautiful. My family loved it and I couldn't help laughing with happiness before I went to give the Doctor a big hug thank you. He is utterly marvellous, he can save my life (several times) and give me a White Christmas – you can't say that about many people.

**A/N: the penultimate chapter everyone, I hope you liked it. Clearly the snow thing is from Runaway Bride but I really liked it so I put it in! I'll try and post the last chapter soon, its long!**

**Please review! x**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: this is the last chapter, I'm quite sad.**

**I have to say that I've only ever actually watched the 3 new series of Doctor Who so if I get any of this stuff wrong I'm really sorry and let me know!**

**Also I'm really sorry it's taken so long for me to upload, I've been busy!**

**I don't own Doctor Who.**

26/12

After Christmas dinner last night everyone slept very soundly. The result, as usual, of eating and drinking much too much. The Doctor stayed up later than I did, a poker game had got going and they were all very focused. Except for Jack who was trying to flirt his way into seeing everyone's cards. I left the Doctor sitting frowning at his cards, one hand thrust into his pocket and his cracker hat at a rakish angle on his head.

When I woke up at about half three he was sound asleep beside me, fully dressed and _still_ wearing his cracker hat.

There seemed to have been another shift in my dream. I now felt strangely detached as I stood in the crowd. I still felt the pain and the fear and the loneliness but there was something preventing me from reacting to it fully. Almost as if I was fainting, slipping into unconsciousness for some reason.

That was why the Doctor hadn't woken up when I did, I wasn't screaming. I was crying but the detachment that I had experienced in the dream stayed with me meaning I could lie down again next to the Doctor, content that he was there, not needing to wake him up.

After I had calmed myself down a bit I began to go over the dream again in my mind. It was then that I realised something I'd been too terrified to realise before. The eyes with which I saw in the dream weren't mine.

This, naturally, was a bit of a shock. I'd never had a dream where I wasn't really in it before. Perhaps that meant that it was more than a dream?

I mulled it over in my mind for a while but I was too knackered to know what it really meant. This subdued version of the dream had left me relatively calm and I was able to fall asleep and stay that way for a couple of hours more.

I was awoken later, at about eight, by an overexcited and energetic Doctor. I believe I told him to bugger off. For the first time in ages I had managed to get back to sleep and here he was bloody waking me up.

He ignored me, of course, and said that the snow had stuck and that after breakfast he and all my family members under twenty-five and Jack were going to build snowmen and have a snowball fight. Apparently he had woken me up so I wouldn't miss it.

There is something about snow that makes all men go a bit funny. They loose any flicker of chivalry they ever might have had and pelt anything within their vicinity with hard, compact snow. Clearly the Doctor was no different.

My big mistake was opening my eyes and meeting his. They were like two big sparkles of excitement. And it was infectious. That's why, an hour or so later, I was running through the garden, laughing and trying to dodge snowballs. Jack was an annoyingly good shot.

On Boxing Day my family has the unfortunate tradition of walking miles and miles to a pub that may or may not be open. Records show that more often than not it is in fact closed.

This year it was supposed to be a sure thing though. And it was open, when it was finally reached, but me and the Doctor didn't make it that far. We missed the opportunity to see almost my entire family being packed into a convoy of taxis having drunk too much (of course) and leaving it until it was pitch black to decide it was time to go home. Luckily, the children hadn't gone on the walk and were in the care of my Grandfather in front of an idyllic wood fire at home.

After a lunch of bubble and squeak and trifle everyone began to get ready to go out on the walk. The Doctor, however, had been looking at me strangely ever since the excitement of the snowball fight had died down. While everyone else was searching for lost gloves he pulled me to one side. I knew what he wanted before he even opened his mouth.

"Your dream. What happened?"

I explained how it had, yet again, changed and how I had finally realised it wasn't me in the dream. His frown grew heavier with every word I spoke and he was looking seriously worried now.

Somehow, I'm not quite sure what happened, within twenty minutes we were packed and saying our goodbyes and thank yous. My mum was seriously upset about our leaving so suddenly and I think it might be a while before she forgives the Doctor. Jack was staying though so that was some compensation for her.

Hurrying me into the TARDIS the Doctor gave a last wave to my watching family, slammed the doors shut and hurled us into the vortex.

Despite the haste with which we had left the house the Doctor didn't immediately address the situation. He just kept fiddling around with the console thought I got the distinct impression he wasn't concentrating on it.

I watched him for a bit trying to work out what was going on before I decided that enough was enough and asked him. He stood stock still for a moment before turning towards me with an intensely serious expression. Finally he took my hand in a light clasp and led me through the TARDIS's twisting corridors to the library.

Despite my love of books I had only been in this room a couple of times, we were usually too busy, and still found it breathtaking. It had two floors, the second a balcony running all the way around the room with winding metal staircases leading up to it. There were shelves and shelves of bound volumes, only a minority of which were in English and the TARDIS didn't translate them all. The particular musty scent belonging to books pervaded the air.

Leaving me to sink into a chair at the large desk, the Doctor climbed to the second level and disappeared behind a fake panel of shelves. He wasn't moving with his usual energetic, bouncing step but slowly and with consideration. The fact that he hadn't actually said anything since we entered the TARDIS was greatly adding to the mystery of the situation and I was more than a little apprehensive as to where it was leading.

When he returned he was carrying an ornately carved wooden box. He placed it in front of him as he sat down and stared at it for a long minute, apparently trying to work up the courage to open it.

He did, however, and with the words "The girl you saw me with…" passed me a picture.

It was of a young girl, about six or seven. She was looking slightly to the left of the camera, a twinkle of laughter in her deep blue eyes though she was fighting the smile on her lips. In her left hand was clutched a very familiar silver pen-like object with a blue end. The Doctor's sonic screwdriver.

When I looked up to tell him this was definitely the girl from my dream I could see by the expression in his eyes that he already knew. Instead I asked who it was. He told me it was his daughter.

Shock was the most overpowering emotion – though looking back now I'm not entirely sure why. It seems to make sense. Though he and the girl didn't physically look alike there was something about them that linked them to each other. We worked out, well the Doctor explained, that my subconscious had probably made the Doctor in my dream appear in this regeneration so I would understand.

I think I probably should have stopped there. I had found out enough, and the Doctor had remembered enough, for one day. Instead of following this probably wise course of action I said that it still didn't explain with whose eyes I was watching the dream.

He didn't react for the longest time. Just sat, looking at the picture of his lost daughter. Finally he said,

"You were looking at the Time War. The fall of Arcadia to be precise." I could tell he was trying to get into he's usual rhythm of explaining things. "But what you saw wasn't actually what happened. My daughter was much older at the time, had children of her own."

Then he stopped again. It was painful to hear him try so hard to be matter of fact and not cry at the same time. He wasn't looking at the photo anymore but staring unblinkingly at me. He opened his mouth, still seeming to debate over which words to use.

"In the dream, you could see through the eyes of - Rietta. My wife."

Shit. Really not what I expected. I didn't, couldn't speak for ages. After a while he wasn't able to meet my eyes any more. I must have looked so completely incredulous he couldn't bare it. He rummaged in the box again and brought out another picture. I do wonder how long they have been there, and how long he has wanted to show them to someone.

The woman in the picture had pale, pale skin, icy blue eyes and fiery red curls tumbling down her back in ringlets as she looked over her shoulder laughing at whoever was behind the camera. The Doctor, it was probably him. She was beautiful, but also slightly withdrawn, unobtainable.

These images of perfect domestic bliss he had shown me were more alien than anything else I had seen. The idea of him having a family and living somewhere all settled down and domestic (there was no other word for it) was completely unbelievable.

That's when it struck me that it _was_ completely unbelievable. Perhaps, again, I should have stopped. However, I decided that as we had got this far…I asked what had happened.

Turns out Rietta did die at Arcadia, along with so many others, but they weren't together then. The poor, poor Doctor. He was banished from Gallifrey for his morals. He objected to the way other races and other planets were viewed and treated. He had travelled more widely than any other Time Lord and he understood and wanted to help while others were content to watch and rule with true high handedness.

The Doctor was banished and Rietta couldn't bring herself to go with him. She didn't have the Doctor's wanderlust but it was more than that – she couldn't bear to be seen as an outlaw and she didn't believe in his reasons, she was too narrow minded. He was left alone with only his battered outdated TARDIS as company and home. She remarried, a rich, influential, arrogant Gallifreian – everything the Doctor wasn't and stood against – and lived in perfect comfort and harmony until she was killed in the Time War. That was why I felt faint in my dream, she'd been injured.

He never saw her again after she left him.

Though he'd been reluctant to start talking, once he began he found it hard to stop. Grateful that there was someone that he could finally tell this all to. When he had said all there was to say I didn't know how to respond. I'd been holding his hand throughout the whole thing and he had talked, staring at our interlinked fingers. After a long, silent pause I squeezed his hand to get his attention and said the only thing I could think of, and felt foolish immediately afterwards.

"Are you hungry?"

Though he looked a bit startled at first, his face soon relaxed into a smile. He nodded and we left the library and the memories the jostled for the place there, ready to move on.

Mum had given us the left over panettone and, when we reached the kitchen, the Doctor cut to generous slices using the "classic" bread knife the instructions decreed as I made us a cup of tea each. Content not to talk we soon settled in front of the television to watch that utter classic "Some Like It Hot".

The Doctor lay out flat on the sofa, his head resting on my side, and quickly fell asleep. Brushing the hair out of his eyes I realised that I had been relying completely on him for weeks and this was the first time he had relied on me. Travelling as the Doctor's companion you do rely on him from day to day – to talk you out of sticky situations, to use his sonic screwdriver on everything and anything, to grin manically in the face of danger, to show you the most amazing things you could never imagine, to make you a better person just by knowing him – but the past few weeks, or was it months, had been different and I couldn't help feeling we had both changed. His change had been more subtle than mine but it had happened. The past few hours had been intensely important for him, and perhaps even sharing a real family Christmas had helped, but I hope that from now on he would be just a little happier after sharing one of his many painful memories with someone who was more than willing to listen and would try hard to understand and help in anyway. In all the time I've travelled with him this had been the first time he'd opened up to such an extent, every now and again I'd had brief glimpses of his past life, things he'd let slip, but this was far and beyond that. As of yet he hadn't tried to take it back and pretend he hadn't actually said anything.

Smiling slightly at his resilience I turned my attention to the trials and tribulations of Josephine, Daphne and Sugar, content to be with this wonderful man for as long as I was given.

**A/N: there that's it, the end**** - 2457 words as the last chapter. Please please review and tell me if you liked it or if it should be edited or if I've made spelling/grammar mistakes – I do.**

**I've actually had a bit of an idea for some accompanying one shot things that I'll hopefully put up soon. **

**If you've actually managed to get this far reading this story – thank you. xxxx**


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